No broken promises or unreliable people . No more energy vampires , beggars or leaches. Because within my own confinement it was safe . I experienced a destined fate of humiliation for being aware and present . In return I would instead give blindly to the idea of acceptance . Somewhere along the line acceptance became my identity . And fear became my new language . Landing me the hands on deception continuously . This vicious cycle of hate and fear quickly progressed into anger itself . It manifested , almost ingrained in my mental of the scars I endured . Shameful to speak of the mistreatment of myself . The abuse of instigated love affairs . Leaving me in a state of turmoil . 

This ‘ain no sad love story . Rather a mind of choices . Conflicted in the sea of emotions that seemed endless . These broken promises and unreliable people still appeared to toil and prey on my fears . It’s sickening but it’s my experience . Leaving me in a state of turmoil , my soul rested in confinement . 

I find ease in the ways of my intellect. Suckling the nectar of knowledge, indulging in silence. It helped to ease discomfort in transgressions with life.Putting together a masterpiece in understanding what needs to be done and how it will be done. 

I haven’t fully understood the mind.

Expressions of fear seeped through all I wanted. I just needed to feel grounded, because I noticed of sense of death. I was scared that it  felt near way too often.

Was it  near or did I call its name..

Did I imagine the symphonic death of ones existence, connectivity disfigured amongst souls? I wanted to give up, there was no one here to save me. I felt so alone.. scared of existence of peace. I had been without for so long , floating just seemed to feel easier. Watching over oneself’s mistakes, and comfortably meditating on her prayers.

No one heard a thing. 

Expressions of fear had torn through my soul. I was blinded by darkness, infatuated with numbness. I felt the presence of a savior.. an intuition of self.

Existing in peace in the hour . My mind is at peace , a certain stillness brushed at this moment. Freely to express my emotions… I tended to suppress in the moonlight of my existence. Examining truth in expressions of intellect.

Wow , how much you’ve grown.

As the ashes grew a rose. 

-Aja