It was quite somber when I finally realized I was at the end of this cycle. I no longer felt the same. Even in the midst of being faced with the past my heart no longer moved for you.
I began to see the beauty in my true nature. Judged every time it shined through. Misunderstood whilst understanding everyone within reach. This somber reality is that I had finally come to terms with: You are the one who is irreplaceable. You would never know a love as pure as mine. I’ve released the thought because my heart no longer sings for you. My heart no longer beats for you. Now you sulk in your own will to replace the one who is Irreplaceable .
I woke up feeling a way. I planned out my things so clearly & now I don’t know wether to look at you or choose myself . My heart is so pure mostly and I know its used for personal gain. If I call them out , why do I feel like I’m the enemy. I had someone show me myself but I never believed that I could be her. Doubting everything when it comes to love now; and no I’m not cold. I’m just tired. I’ve disconnected but a somber reality hits me in the peaks of my days. It’s time to let go but I can’t do it alone. Being cold is not my true language, but fuck it . I need to be a different breed, all love.
And please . Remember like you said , I was the only woman to ever make you feel like this . In the end I wish you would’ve handled this with more care . And everyone knows that . Remember how you treated me , and I truly hope one day you understand and feel this to the fullest extent and you too will say I deserve better too .
No broken promises or unreliable people . No more energy vampires , beggars or leaches. Because within my own confinement it was safe . I experienced a destined fate of humiliation for being aware and present . In return I would instead give blindly to the idea of acceptance . Somewhere along the line acceptance became my identity . And fear became my new language . Landing me the hands on deception continuously . This vicious cycle of hate and fear quickly progressed into anger itself . It manifested , almost ingrained in my mental of the scars I endured . Shameful to speak of the mistreatment of myself . The abuse of instigated love affairs . Leaving me in a state of turmoil .
This ‘ain no sad love story . Rather a mind of choices . Conflicted in the sea of emotions that seemed endless . These broken promises and unreliable people still appeared to toil and prey on my fears . It’s sickening but it’s my experience . Leaving me in a state of turmoil , my soul rested in confinement .