I decided why I needed a change of scenery. I chose to journal the first first day— explore how I felt within the past 24-48hrs perviously to digest. My goal was to reach a state of mind that is persistent with my dreams and aspirations. As I approach the second week, I’ve learned a few things about myself over the last two weeks :
I am very independent.
I am highly intuitive and yet to miss a beat
I choose to consciously be happy and excited about every step I take for my journey
I kept my promise to myself
The first week consisted of deep self love. Anything I felt led to do, if I chose journaling , I journaled— if I chose to take myself to dinner and splurge, I DID ! Simply because I deserved this attention. I deserve the love and care I show to others and when its not presently flowing from others, I take it upon myself to treat myself.
I owe it to myself to alleviate all stresses I constantly carry. It’s time to release the burden of being so perfect. I’ve realized many times I am not perfect but I am uniquely perfect in the way I choose to show up for myself. My state of mind determines my environment and if my mind chooses stress I will collapse into the abyss of the unknown.
30 Days of Positivity isn’t about saying you’re going ZEN and F*** everyone else … It’s about the love you’ve been inkling to give to yourself.
It was quite somber when I finally realized I was at the end of this cycle. I no longer felt the same. Even in the midst of being faced with the past my heart no longer moved for you.
I began to see the beauty in my true nature. Judged every time it shined through. Misunderstood whilst understanding everyone within reach. This somber reality is that I had finally come to terms with: You are the one who is irreplaceable. You would never know a love as pure as mine. I’ve released the thought because my heart no longer sings for you. My heart no longer beats for you. Now you sulk in your own will to replace the one who is Irreplaceable .
I woke up feeling a way. I planned out my things so clearly & now I don’t know wether to look at you or choose myself . My heart is so pure mostly and I know its used for personal gain. If I call them out , why do I feel like I’m the enemy. I had someone show me myself but I never believed that I could be her. Doubting everything when it comes to love now; and no I’m not cold. I’m just tired. I’ve disconnected but a somber reality hits me in the peaks of my days. It’s time to let go but I can’t do it alone. Being cold is not my true language, but fuck it . I need to be a different breed, all love.
And please . Remember like you said , I was the only woman to ever make you feel like this . In the end I wish you would’ve handled this with more care . And everyone knows that . Remember how you treated me , and I truly hope one day you understand and feel this to the fullest extent and you too will say I deserve better too .