2 AM

2 AM

Broken records of old love stories seemed to play in a loop. Honestly, either I’m madly in love or blind to the fact this may never be the love story I imagined. The story any woman would imagine but blind to the fact that you only get bits and pieces before you get your happy ending. 

How unfair is that ? To be madly in love with the one who will barely show you a smile without dimming your light. To be called beautiful but yet treat you so ugly. Showing the ways of how passion burns hate that can swiftly glimpse love felt. I loved this man in despite the torments my mind looped at 2 AM. Only to become well aware of my inner peace but my place of comfort was not home. Instead I followed my heart into a home of deception of what love offered me in this man. But see , this man was like my sun. I’d follow him to the ends of the earth if I created my own fate. As we were designed to be, but still searching.

Suicide : Dear Self

Suicide : Dear Self

I’m not sure if you’ve taken the time to analyze your life in whole. Im not sure if you know there is more to life than pain, and I know you may not think so. You are loved and cherished in ways many people could never see. You are light when those who are conflicted trust you to assist them. You are admirable , and special ; please don’t let the sorrow overshadow the truth.

You were never this way. That man you met hurt you a lot , and I Know . He gave you a chance to see love in a different light. And I know you believed he would be the one for you but how many guys have come and showed you this different light? And how many times did this light stay in your life without you out-shining your own love. 

I know you are sad when you have touching moments of silence. I know I cant change what my past laid out for me; and I know the hands that you were dealt nearly killed you. But you survived; and I see you hanging by a thread , acting as if one more step and I could fall . Im here to tell you , you can touch the ground. You are not floating from above, you are alive and breathing! You still feel ! And I know it  sucks but you can still live and move on. 

For whenever you have these silent thoughts or the outbursts of pain .. Do not give in to the darkness you hear. 

Self-Awareness

Self-Awareness

Intuition peaks every dawn .

It  was only a moment ago , I pondered in silence. 

I practiced this ritual most days and wondered off into the abyss of clouds. 

One can only spend so much time alone , existence of self . An intuition of peace overshadows the doubt and the bearing weightless numbness. 

How can a person survive or thrive in the abyss of silence.. still. Ongoing of transgressions of hate , acceptance of rebirth. 

Can you recall your rebirth ? Intuition of peace . Acceptance ?

Channeling the feelings of transparency .  A change can be sought after . How much of the old you , parts of your soul remaining only into pieces. Can you choose life over death at the end of shallow misfortunes , the thought always pondered. 

The end was near of unanticipated death. The death of one’s old journey , only to be a fate memory. A stranger to a new dawn.

 Bloomed so beautifully , she seen.

The end was near .

Affliction

Affliction

Emotionless in the face of pain. No one heard the screams of help. 

Suffocated in waves of anxiety. Misfortunes flourishing in her eyes. 

They filled with tears —  

Long expressions of arousal only through pain and suffering . Images of a savior often appeared freely , flowing thoughts of “Save me please .. Save me “. If anyone could hear these thoughts of sorrow , the light would dim in which they approved of her in.  

This secret she kept felt as if everyone knew. Her shame and sorrow nurtured in her quest to follow the intuition of flooded memories and feelings— All she could replay just to stop the voices and the pain of unwanted desires. She often found herself attuned in the face of affliction. Desirable , a thrill of joy just for a short moment , she knew life existed but never where she settled. To live in her thrills , caused affliction in ways in which became unrecognizable. Prayers of chilling tears accumulated through times of silence and self… “save me , help me , you can give up and it  will be okay . You know you prefer it  better this way 

Examining Expressions of Peace : Detachment

Examining Expressions of Peace : Detachment

All  I ever wanted. Mastering the art of detachment , an ache-full journey . Never to be bothered by those who usually swayed me along for their existence of peace. Deceitful lies of your tongue you spoke . So stupid to believe a woman of my existence to see you in light of darkness. 

Joyous peaks of love and closeness we shared . You were mine as I were yours . Deliverance to the prayers I spoke only to believe you were a blessing from God. So stupid to believe a woman of my peace would allow you in to my serenity. 

Mastering the art of detachment , an ache-full journey . Discouraged , bruised but never to fall  a fool such as Achilles and his heel. I prided myself in love i nurtured for myself . Did you even want to be here I asked . Everyday I asked … you understood what it meant to be detached .

 I promise .. I fought to come with you as i once did before , it would’ve seemed much easier . 

I mimicked the ways of you .

Leaving behind those who did not understand.

Anointed

Anointed

I stood there , tired . So tired to breathe . Even to feel , when could this stop . The lies of tortured truths seeped in magnitudes of thought . 

Unfair , I had written this sorrow off . 

Could there be a spirit of joy , compassion , or deception of perception that resided in me .