Mpenzi wangu

So , here we are again .

I never really knew where it  would end , or if it  would finally begin. I searched for this love in you I found, in so many. The many that could replace my pain and feel at ease. I never reached for it  again when I spent my days intentionally trying to forget. Trying to un-do this cycle of delusions. Delusions of fear and ego empowering thoughts and emotions. I tried my best to never feel those feelings but it  never worked.

So , here I am again.

Searching for the woman I’m sure I would’ve grown to be. Running from the woman I’ve become. And I asked myself : “ Are you happy ? Are you satisfied now dear? “ , she would always reply “NO” . In tears , seemed like a daily ritual . She told me , “ keep searching , and every step may not be true or the best one . But , never forget ! You are exactly where you should be , and every step you take , every fuck up .. You Are Exactly Where You Should Be. 

This woman she looked at me , and she knew all the secrets only I knew. 

Remembering the pain I bared . 

Distraught from what I spoke .

She grieved.